Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
