Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i already hear my dad disowning me
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize