you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
