You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
