I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
