C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
