A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
one might say we're banned from that church
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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