Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
