i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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