I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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