I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
