wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
