i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
