i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize