I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
