I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
