i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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