you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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