I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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