I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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