man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
