Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
