i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
