I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
