one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
