he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
