I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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