you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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