I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize