Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
