And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
