omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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