He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
