Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
