Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
