At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
