So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
