dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
