Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
