I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize