Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
