i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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