I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
