My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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