Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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