you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
