You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
