I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
