NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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