my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
