I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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