I faked an abortion last night.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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