dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
