Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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