goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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