I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize