...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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