Don't you send me to vm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
