Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
