And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
