..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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