So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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