So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
