I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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