this is something i pride myself on being below average for
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
