You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
