Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
