my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
