please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can text with my tongue
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
