Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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