Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
